Stubbornness

Heya.

You thought I wasn’t going to post today, didn’t you?

Well… that would make sense since one of the main things I mentioned in yesterday’s post was that I’d be posting less regularly.

Or something like that.

I’ve been thinking (as always) about why I’m finding it difficult to know what to post about, and why I’ve even started a blog at all…

Now, I’m pretty sure I’ve shared my possible motives behind starting this blog, but I just don’t feel like checking right now.

Okay.

This is a personal blog. For now, at least. Which means that I’m posting for myself.

But let’s quickly answer the other question first:

Why am I finding it difficult to know what to post about?

And the answer is…

…because I’m not really doing anything worth posting about. At least not anything I’d want to post about.

So… let’s think back to what the initial ideas were.

#1 Posts about… music

#2 Posts about… video games

As you might have noticed, one of the categories on my home page is Video Games… and it’s empty.

Why?

Because I don’t play video games that often. And definitely not the ones I’d want to record my experiences of.

Why?

Because I have been really stubborn in regards to the fact that I wouldn’t play any games unless I was recording myself playing them.

That’s really silly. And kinda dumb. (No offense to anyone else doing this — in your case, it might be a great idea, I don’t know.)

And this is the where the paths diverge…

Question #1: Why haven’t I yet recorded myself playing the games?

Question #2: Why do I even feel the need to record myself play?

…

Answer #1: Because of a few reasons. I don’t feel confident enough in myself yet. I’m afraid that things might go wrong, and all those common reasons. Probably.

It’s more to do with the fact that I want my videos to be up to a certain standard, and to look a certain way.

But I don’t have the skills yet, and am not even taking the steps to acquire them.

Which links to the fact that to start uploading good videos, I need to start uploading videos.

They can be bad. That doesn’t really matter since no one might ever see them.

And I could just record them, without uploading.

Okay, that’s one thing.

Second reason. I feel like recording the videos/playing video games when it’s late. But I can’t. Because I’d wake my little brother up. And get in trouble.

So… I could just play video games, without recording anything.

But I can’t play them without recording anything.

Let me clarify something: when I mention the recording of videos, I’m also talking about starting a YouTube channel.

And I’ve realized that I can in fact record myself playing video games, without recording myself playing video games.

I’d be recording myself playing video games not through videos, but through blog posts.

And I’d then have something worth blogging about. And it’d be easier for me to write blog posts.

Now, I’m not saying that the other topics weren’t worth blogging about.

I mean, since this is a personal blog, anything I decide is worth blogging about is worth blogging about.

When I build up the confidence and find the time to record actual videos of myself playing, then I might start moving those “topics” over to the YouTube channel.

By starting to record my gaming experiences, through any medium, I’ll give myself a way in which to bypass my brain-lock, to return to playing video games. And creating the things I want to create so badly.

Okay, now…

…I’ve just realized that I’ve answered the second question in my answer to the first question. Sorta.

I feel the need to record myself play because I don’t want my thoughts, feelings, experiences, reactions, ideas and such to be lost to time without anyone else ever having known about them.

I want to share them.

Because sharing is caring.

The End.

…

I’m just kidding there’s also the Music part that I haven’t explained.

I am currently listening to such an amazing, beautiful song. (Subjective, I know.)

And I’d love to explain why it means as much to me as it does. Or why I love it. Or what I love about it. (The song just changed. This one’s awesome too.) And would love to do the same with the dozens of other songs I LOVE so, so, so much!

Why haven’t I started already?

Well, I found out that you can’t quote song lyrics in a blog post… it’s copyright infringement.

Okay… so… I could still write blog posts about song lyrics without actually quoting the song lyrics, right?

I could add a link to a page containing the lyrics, and then refer to the lyrics through that, as in, for example “in Line 42, the something, something, something… which something, something, something…”.

But that would possibly be asking too much of the reader, and the reader would have to have both my blog post and the other page open at the same time…

…gosh.

ANYWAYS.

Thank you so, so much for reading. If you’ve read up (or should I say… down) to this point, or even only this sentence.

Oh! A thing!

I wish to connect/communicate with all of you, but haven’t been starting any- my brother’s cat just entered my room a moment ago. He’s so cute! And lovely! …I won’t be sharing any of his personal details… not yet, at least… besides the fact that he’s a he.

As I was saying, I want to interact with you…s, and to hear your thoughts, opinions, stories, and so on… but I haven’t initiated any…thing.

So… please do tell me if you have any suggestions on what you think I could do moving forwards.

Or even if you relate to anything I’ve said here.

Or if you have anything to say at all.

Have a lovely day.

– Abby